Dave Navarro, Worthless Musician

On February 20, 2008, by AMI Staff

Music fans are no doubt familiar with Dave Navarro, formerly of Jane’s Addiction and The Red Hot Chili Peppers. And in Feburary 2008, one of Navarro’s press agents — Jason DeMata — set up an interview.

The moment arrived and Dave was on the line. We were excited and asked him the first question (below). Then, he simply handed the phone to Jason and says, “I don’t want to do this.”

End of interview.

Apparently Navarro is not the laid back star we know from his music and television. It’s a put on.

Here are the questions we had hoped to ask him, and how we think Dave would have answered them.

Q&A

Q: Outside of Hulk Hogan and Jesse Ventura, you are one ofthe few guys who can maintain his masculinity while wearing a feather boa. Doyou feel like your mustache is a feather boa for your upper lip?

A: Dave Navarro wears hair on Dave Navarro’s lip because Dave Navarro is only 5’4 and needs something to help Dave Navarro’s masculinity. Sure women love Dave Navarro, but do you think they would give a rat’s ass if Dave Navarro wasn’t a musician? Certainly not.

Q: What is more bad-ass: playing inJane’s Addiction, bedding Carmen Electra, or wearing a mustache?

A: The best thing about my life is me….and my love for my two cats. I love snuggling with my cats on a cool winter’s eve. And being Dave Navarro.

Q: You’ve been married three times.Is it fair to say that you are better off flying solo and do you think yourmustache had anything to do with those break-ups?

A: Divorce is not a fun thing to go through. Divorce is actually a word in the English dictionary – which I read from time to time. Divorce means: “a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, esp.one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations.” Did I mention I like men?

Q: Your blog is called 6767.com. Wewould imagine “69” would make sense, but what does 67 mean?

A: My publicist made it up. It has no meaning. It is cute, like my cats. I’m Dave Navarro.

Q: After being linked to JennaJameson, you denied on your blog that you were dating her. Even if it wasn’ttrue – why deny it? I mean, it’s Jenna Jameson, we at the American MustacheInstitute are all claiming we’ve had her just to seem cool.

A: OK, Dave Navarro lied. I was with her, or at least I attempted to be with her. Dave Navarro ended up crying at the end of the bed, curled up in the fetal position stroking my goatee and dreaming of snuggling with my cats.

Q: You hosted two seasons of theshow “Rockstar,” first finding a singer for INXS and then for RockstarSupernova. What’s going on with Supernova?

A: Brooke Burke is a filthy tramp. That’s right. Dave Navarro just said that. Plus, INXS sucks. Period. Lame music. As for Rockstar Supernova, I’ll probably treat it like every other project – leave it after one jerk.

Q: Tell us about your newest bandThe Panic Channel and how it differs from past bands and projects.

A: We really suck. It’s like listening to Neil Sedaka on crack cocaine, which by the way is a lot of fun and surprisingly affordable for people living in housing projects.

Q: You’ve played with a real varietyof musicians and bands – Jane’s Addition, the Chili Peppers, Guns & Roses, Alanis Morissette, Marylin Manson,Christina Aguilera and Michelle Branch. How do you choose who to play withand have you ever declined an invite and why?

A: I really hate most of the people I’ve collaborated with. They are not Dave Navarro. They simply cannot keep up with my genius. I had really hoped to work with Minnie Pearl, but she’s dead. Which means we cannot collaborate.

Q: Who’s the biggest freak you’veplayed with and why?

A: No question – Andy Griffith. Man, that dude was wild. We – that being Andy and Dave Navarro – were in his hometown in North Carolina and went out and got barbecue. Real barbecue with meat and this barbecue sauce. It was delicious. Well, yeah, Andy is wild.

Q: You are working with ManiaTV.com,one of the first Internet television networks which delivers pop-culture entertainment to morethan 10 million young adult viewers every month. Tell us about it and why youjumped on board?

A: Dave Navarro is normally shrewd, but in this case, Dave Navarro got suckered into working with ManiaTV.com because I’m broke from my drug addictions and three ex-wives. What would you do? Is Gary Coleman looking for a sidekick? By the way, Jason, Dave Navarro just said ManiaTV.com sucks. Is that a problem?

Q: Are there any other projects youare working on that you’d are excited about?

A: Besides being into anything that is Dave Navarro, one of my passions is that I’m really into cross-stitching, and with my cats and all, Dave Navarro was thinking about making sweaters and selling them online for cat lovers.

Q: Most importantly, getting back to your mustache.You may not know this, but there’s been a covert attempt to keep the MustachedAmerican down since 1980. As someone’s who’s typically felt the need to keep alayer of warmth on your upper lip, how does that make you feel and what words ofencouragement would you offer to anyone who wanted to grow a cookie duster?

A: Dave Navarro actually has a goatee, because I’m weak and am afraid of other men. And listen, let’s be real, Dave Navarro cares about Dave Navarro and Dave Navarro’s cats. That’s about it. Screw you.

 

Q: Finally, the American Mustache Institute puts onthe epic charitable benefit ‘Stache Bash in St.Louis each year to celebrate mustaches. Want to play it and televise it live onManiaTV?

A: Um, again, Dave Navarro says screw you. Can you smell what Dave Navarro is cooking? Jason, where are my cats and my needlepoint?

  • D37Mike

    This is amazingly awesome.

    • http://twitter.com/MustacheTalk Mustache Institute

      Mike,

      It is readers like you that make our life’s work worthwhile. Thanks,

      AMI Administration

      • Deadline69

        it’s amazing to see such appreciation from this institute. such a shame that I can’t grow a ‘stache yet. one day… one day

  • JEFFLY15

    THIS TRUELY IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dangit.reaume Dang-it Reaume

    Just now running across this, great stuff boys. 

  • Will C

    Awesome