National Public Radio’s Holmes Goes Too Far

On September 20, 2009, by AMI Staff

The Fall is a wonderful time of year for people of Mustached American descent.The weather is cooling, new episodes of "The Family Guy" will soon start, we are preparing for 'Stache Bash 2009 featuring John Oates, and at 'Stache Bash we'll name the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year."

Yes, times seem good, until we are faced by the rampant racism that continues to plague our country and the Mustached American community.

The troublesome Linda Holmes of National Public Radio (NPR) recently provided an offensive commentary to that was positioned as an open letter to actor Matt Damon regarding his new role in the film "The Informant," which takes poorly masked pot-shots at people of Mustached American descent.

Your American Mustache Institute responded to NPR and the portly Ms. Holmes:

Ms. Holmes,

We read your blog entry,
"An Open Letter To Matt Damon's Mustache," with great interest as it
was done on a well- respected NPR platform with the opportunity to
influence the weak bare-faced American public, as well as people of
Mustached American descent.

Indeed, you take your poorly crafted pot-shots at the Mustached
American way of life — poking fun at Mr. Damon's contrived labia
sebucula (Latin for "lip sweater") with unrefined jaunts into
sophomoric humor using phrases such as "stubbornly unstylish
appearance," et al., that it is almost amusing.

Almost — but, of course — it is not. At least, not to the people of
the Mustached American community who take your shallow jabs as nothing
more than a poor window into the mainstream view of our existence.

In the future, if you have interest in droning on about the lower nose
garden and our weapons of mass destruction, we'd hope that you cease
waxing what lies upon your upper lip and live the life fantastic and
experience the true power of the dark side.

Carry on.