FOX Sports’ Rose Crosses Line

On December 7, 2009, by AMI Staff

Last night on FOX's BCS Results Show, instead of focusing on the worthless nature of the BCS and the lack of a college playoff system, host Chris Rose suggested that Texas quarterback Colt McCoy would be better off mustache-free. Today, AMI took this issue up with Fox Sports president David Hill.

Mr. Hill,

Greetings and Happy Holidays from the
American Mustache Institute (AMI), although I wish I could be writing
you regarding a more pleasant subject.

Last night on
Fox's erstwhile BCS Results Show, fledgling host Chris Rose suggested
that Colt McCoy — the University of Texas quarterback who is a former
Mustached American having grown a "unity" mustache last summer — would
be better served to not revive his lower nose garment for the BCS
National Championship Game.

In short, Mr. Rose
suggested that Texas could not defeat Alabama if McCoy were to grow a
labia sebucula, which as you know is Latin for "lip sweater."

And
while we assume the bare-lipped Mr. Rose found his own remarks to be of
some witty value, people of Mustached American descent did n
ot. We were
shaking our collective mouth brows in disgust. Mr. Rose's comments were
indeed insensitive, and thoroughly offensive as it subconsciously
suggested that members of the Mustached American community were
incapable of great leadership at starling moments of time.

Clearly,
we understand that Mr. Rose is incapable of understanding the
challenges and virtues of the Mustached American lifestyle as he
suffers from Bare Upper Lip Disorder (BULD), which plagues 18.5 percent
of American men. And because of this ignorance, he cannot comprehend
the robust athletic capabilities of a Mustached American — just ask
Mark Spitz, Mike Schmidt, Hulk Hogan, Conrad Dobler, or film director
John Waters.

We would request that Mr. Rose, while wearing a fake
mustache on Fox's airwaves, make an apology to the Mustached American
community for his insensitive remarks. We would also suggest he seek
counseling in the form of sensitivity training from a Certified
Mustacheologist, which AMI can supply if necessary.

Again,
sorry to write you on such a disturbing matter, and we hope that you
take swift, brutal action in remedying this situation.

Carry on.

Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman

Chief Executive Officer

The American Mustache Institute

(877) STACHE-1