What To Expect at ‘Stache Bash

On November 27, 2010, by AMI Staff

With the epic 97th annual ‘Stache Bash just days away on Dec. 4, there are many questions looming:  What’s it all about? What kind of entertainment will you have? Are there costumes this year? Who will be there and how many do you expect this year? Are midgets allowed? Is it a sausage fest?

Let’s try to answer some of these questions and others:

What’s the Deal: It’s a large party — probably 500 – 800 people. Tight live music combined with the dumbest, least conservative party held in St. Louis. People come from all over the country (why, we have no clue) and the mix tends to be about 50/50 men to women who let it all hang out – here’s video from the last few years and there’s a slew of pics below. Come early or you are stupid – you’ll miss a LOT. Doors open at 8 and entertainment gets going at 8:15.

I Don’t Like Mustaches: You’re an uptight douche who doesn’t get the joke. Get over yourself, take off the polo or pant suit, eat some bacon, and shave your back. And then you can show up and we’ll give you a fake ‘stache at the door.

Entertainment: Five entertainers this year including nationally renowned comic and Goulet award finalist Bob $tencil, U.S. Air Guitar champion Romeo Dance Cheetah (not kidding), Broadway sensation and Goulet finalist Brandon Wardell, funk band extraordinaire Hazard To Ya Booty, and the immensely entertaining Flavor Savers out of Chicago. Oh, and director Morgan Spurlock will be there filming a new documentary and giving free Cleveland Steamers.

Attire: Stache Bash is a circus and you should dress accordingly. There will be free mustaches at the door for anyone who wants one. Some will accentuate their mustaches with costumes, some women will dress in costume for the sake of doing so, and some rather boring and conservative St. Louisans will wear what they don at work. In short, it’s all over the place, but your AMI staff will be decked out in bizarre attire for sure.

How Much $$$: This year there is a $15 charge that goes through Movember to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG, and then a $25 charge for open bar from 8 – 11 pm (party keeps going until midnight). If you don’t want open bar, you can pay as you go.

When Should I Get There: Don’t arrive fashionably late or you’ll miss something. From about 8:15 until 11:30, there will be entertainment worth seeing.

Midgets: If you know a little person, please tell them they will get in for free.

Contests: We will name the winner of the “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year,” have a “Best Real Mustache,” and “Best Costume” contest. Each winner will receive copulative reception from 20 virgins upon entering heaven.

Further Info: If you’re freaking stupid that you don’t understand this and need further information, call 877-STACHE-1 or drink 12 oz. of 15-year-old Scotch and drive to New Jersey.