Tonight we close the book on another college football season, an event marked by six weeks of hype and bowl games featuring matchups that no person in their right mind would ever want to see.

Yes, it’s the NCAA Division I football post-season. The farce that is the Bowl Championship Series (BCS). But before we crown our “national champion,” we must first be treated to a litany of seemingly random bowl games, half of which are interesting because you end up saying to yourself, “Hey, I never knew they had a football team!”

And of course, each bowl game is chock full of commercials — many of which are repeated ad nauseum until you just can’t take it anymore — and you wake up in a haze and find yourself eating a crab-stuffed filet at Longhorn Steakhouse and you can’t even remember why.

But you may have noticed something far more sinister over these past few weeks:  A commercial for Bush’s Baked Beans starring Duke, a talking golden retriever who disguises himself as being from the “Tailgate Research Institute” and goes from one tailgate party to the next, making sure Bush’s is everyone’s baked bean of choice.

Isn’t it obvious what’s going on here? The suits at Bush’s are trying to capitalize on the overwhelming success and influence of the AMI to carry out their evil plans, and by that I mean sell baked beans to an unsuspecting populace.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. However, we at the American Mustache Institute do not consider imitation to be flattery. We at the American Mustache Institute only consider “the act of flattering” to be flattery. Rather, we consider this to be copyright infringement.  That is of course if we had enough money to actually hire a lawyer, we would consider it copyright infringement.

Duke the Talking Golden Retriever and Dr. Aaron Perlut

Just take a look at this side-by-side comparison. Come on.

Don’t let the glasses fool you. Focus on the white lab coat, the dark mustache, the annoying look of vanity and self-satisfaction on the face – clearly Duke is a no-so-subtle rip-off of our fearless leader, Dr. Aaron Perlut.

Does this rise to the level of copyright infringement? That’s for the daytime TV courts to decide. In the meantime, I’ll be trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with all these baked beans.