AMI Rescinds Cain Endorsement Amidst Allegations

On November 9, 2011, by AMI Staff

Amid a storm of allegations levied against Herman Cain, the American Mustache Institute today announced it had rescinded its endorsement for his presidential candidacy.

All meat combo not "all meat"

Concerns began when members of the AMI administration, during a campus scouting visit near Washington, D.C., visited a Godfather’s Pizza in the town of Cross Junction, Va.

“We ordered the ‘All Meat Combo’ that claims to be ‘piled so high with beef, pepperoni, sausage, ham and bacon bits that there’s no room for any veggies,’” said Dr. Abraham Jonas Froman, chief executive officer of AMI. “But it had limited meat on it at best. Do you understand what ‘piled so high with beef, pepperoni, sausage, ham and bacon bits that there’s no room for any veggies’ really means? Cain clearly does not.”

Then allegations came to light that Cain’s mustache is not real, but actually a theater quality upper lip garment, and not the labia sebucula (Latin for “lip sweater”) he claims to have worn since his early 20s.

“Even after our endorsement of Cain on CNN we continued to do our due diligence relative to his mouth shading device,” added Dr. Froman. “The evidence continues to mount that his mustache is a fraud.”

Mustache reportedly a theater quality fake

On October 13, AMI Chairman Dr. Aaron Perlut appeared on CNN’s “Out Front” program hosted by Erin Burnett. After posing tough questions to Cain on how his 9-9-9 plan would coincide with AMI’s Mustached American Tax Incentive, Dr. Perlut announced the Institute’s endorsement based on Cain’s potential representation of Mustached Americans in the White House, his hatred for stupid people such as Dave Navarro, and his belief in creationism as Mustached Americans created bacon, fear and good looks.

Now, sadly, the Mustached American community finds itself at a crossroads as Cain would have been the first Mustached American President of the United States since William Howard Taft left office in 1913, and the first major party presidential candidate of Mustached American heritage since Thomas E. Dewey in 1948.

But with the evidence of both pizza and mustache fraud, Dr. Froman and other members of the AMI administration said they could not in good conscience support his candidacy on behalf of the powerful Mustached American electorate.

“The truth of the matter is that we are the sharp end of the stick amongst our people,” said Dr. Michael Grubb, AMI’s Curator, National Mustache History Museum  & Director of Mustache Analysis. “We’re going to have to poke a hole in his campaign.”

Carry on.


 

 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Diamond/1559713770 Tom Diamond

    Draft John Bolton!

    • dynariffic

      OMFG, do you have issues?  Unbelievable.  John Bolton would have the entire world in the throws of nuclear war inside of a year.

  • MenaceToSobriety

    Do you mean Abe Froman….the sausage king of Chicago?? Glad to see he’s still doing important work.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1219256329 Rob Grant

       Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?

  • Anonymous

    watch video from CBS Atlanta available on youtube-Cain is innocent, accuser is NOT telling truth. Contact reporter Mike Pulaska mike.paluska@cbsatlanta.com

    • Anonymous

      Relax, this is solid humor here. Are we really at the point where we cannot laugh at absurdity? If so, then those smooth faced S.O.B.’s have already won….

      • Anonymous

        Thanks for the smile "it does not require a majority to prevail,but rather an irate, tireless, minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds…"Samuel Adams

        ________________________________

  • Caindefense

    You people are complete idiots for dropping your endorsement. You show your idiocy in believing the obvious smear campaign against Mister Cain by a few incredible women who when researched, show that they are the type of women who falsely accuse men of sexual harassment just to get paid. I would NEVER contribute to your organization due to the fact that, just as the mainstream media has done, you’ve tried and convicted him without even reaserching and knowing the facts of the matter. I suggest you you stop drinking the kool-aid of the left and the ignorant mainstream media. 

    • Anonymous

      Settle down. 

    • dynariffic D

      You are delusional and schizophrenic.

    • http://kibblesbits.wordpress.com/ Ann

      You don’t know how to read, do you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000054666932 Darlene Myers

    You are a bunch of phoneys…

  • Denise

    So your not supporting someone just because of something not based on facts??? maybe your group isn’t factual…i am glad that i don’t judge people on here say! Thats what kind of person i am!

  • http://twitter.com/MustacheTalk Mustache Institute

    Thank
    you for comments. We respect and like Mr. Cain, but we are
    also not a political organization and have little interest in getting
    involved in an increasingly ugly political morass. If you notice in our post above,
    you will find no mention of the sexual misconduct allegations. We
    believe very much in the U.S. system of justice that a person is
    innocent until proven guilty. Thank you again.

    • 1234

      The two legal settlements the ARA paid ARE legal proof of his guilt, his innocence is no longer contested.

      • Anonymous

        You obviously have no clue how corporate settlements work.  These settlements included no judgment of guilt.

      • http://twitter.com/ThatChristyChic Christy Waters

        Why do all the accusers only come from his 3-year period of time at the NRA? If he was guilty, wouldn’t there be a pattern of behavior that extends into his tenure at the Dept of the Navy, Pillsbury, Burger King, Godfather’s and the Federal Reserve bank? Clearly a hit job by people who don’t want to see a Herman Cain presidency.

  • Virtualparty06

     It is quite ashame that you are so quick to judge someone, who is presumed innocent unless proven otherwise. Fortunatley, your endorsement is meaningless for Mr. Cain, but you have shown your true colors…….so, now we know!

    • Anonymous

      I thought it was pretty funny myself. I’m sure Mr. Cain got a good chuckle out of it as well. If we cannot laugh at something like this, then we might as well just go clean shaven for the rest of our lives, because we’ve lost what it means to be a mustached-American.

  • Anonymous

    I’m a Cain supporter, and I thought this was brilliant. Well done and well payed, gentlemen.

  • Jack

    Godfather’s Pizza was my family’s pizza of choice when I was growing up in Indiana.  I have many fond memories of my entire extended family — parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles — going to the Godfather’s Pizza for lunch after church on Sundays.  There was an arcade there.  We would play video games and eat pizza and it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

    I went back home a few years ago, and that Godfather’s Pizza location had closed.  All of them had.  I found a single one remaining, ten miles out of town.  Excitedly, I called and placed my order.  When I arrived to pick up the pizza, I found… a gas station.

    Herman Cain killed a piece of my childhood.

    • Anonymous

      Those that ran the company into the ground before his arrival killed it. He is the reason why it exists in any form today. You do realize that arcades are a dead source of entertainment for the most part, don’t you?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZVGED2SG3BG2BCDG4AJXHJENOY carlo

    Since when has it been a crime in this country for  a man to make a pass at a woman.  All they have to do is say no.  Women have used the advantage of of being a member of the weaker sex since time began…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1219256329 Rob Grant

      The grope and shove is less of a pass, and more of an assault.    

      Apparently this is Cain’s opening move, he must not have much game when it comes to the ladies.

      • http://twitter.com/ThatChristyChic Christy Waters

        The tramp that lobbed that accusation is as transparent as a cheap pair of fishnet stockings. How much currency did they have to drag through the proverbial trailer park, to find her? Mr Herman Cain is the ONLY mustached American, and presidential candidate for me!

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1219256329 Rob Grant

          If Cain wanted to play in the trailer park he can’t start complaining about tornados.  You have to be selective about who you harass or molest people with nothing to loose will probably complain.   

    • http://kibblesbits.wordpress.com/ Ann

      You didn’t read the article, did you?  And you must be a real winner with the ladies…

  • Anonymous

    what kind of guy wears a fake ‘stache?

  • Jpheldman

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOYVB2hc0HA

    Can Jon Huntsman’s daughters get the endorsement?

  • Introvent2

    More than anything, I appreciate the light-hearted nature in rescinding the institute’s endorsement of Mr. Cain. To keep it honest, I am a Cain supporter, with our without a moustache. I think the timing of your withdrawal is very much in line and in time with the allegations that are not yet proven against him, however, realizing that you are not a political entity, I realize that you might support whichever candidate has the best moustache. The fact that Cain is the only candidate sporting a ‘stache, the institute’s lack of support for him is, in fact, a political statement in and of itself. It’s clear to us that the timing of your withdrawal was an intended factor in harming his campaign. While this particular institute, by itself, may not wield enough power to negatively affect a candidate, jumping on the bandwagon with others creates a snowball effect. Who in this country ever stands up to back their choice anymore when faced with the mere unliklihood that they would be proven guilty of any wrong doing? NOT the AMI. Now…bad pizza is another issue altogether! Withdrawing for that is reasonable, by all means. I just think you should have chosen a different time for that.

  • http://twitter.com/JohnCHagen johnchagen

    Dear AMI,

    How do you respond to allegation that it was Mr.Cain’s mustache that was making the women feel uncomfortable. As a Mustached-American I believe this is a form a prejudiced  What say you?

    • http://twitter.com/MustacheTalk Mustache Institute

      A fair question, but we are not fit to judge the sexual misconduct intent of Mr. Cain’s labia sebucula (Latin for “lip sweater”) in that it may be a theater quality fake per our post above.

  • TheStacheIsReal

    I have not been this disappointed since the cancellation of “The Good Guys.”

    The fact that you would believe these horrible accusations really highlights the ineptitude of your organization. There is no proof at all that his mustache is fake… on the contrary, it looks perfectly authentic and rather dashing.

    The ease at which you will throw your mustachio’d brethren under the bus with nothing more than anonymous accusations of theatre trickery is actually quite disgusting. He is much better off without the endorsement of such low group of scallywags.

    Good luck getting Romney away from his waxer in time for you to have someone else to endorse.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=734616217 Garrett York

    The last Godfather’s here in Reno shut down a little under a year ago. Coincidence? Yeah, probably…

  • Guest

    Moustache?  What happened to his eyebrows?   You know what they say, when men start to go bald, they compensate some place else.  Same applies to eyebrows.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rich-Knoch/100002213357330 Rich Knoch

    Your pizza would have had all that was advertised . . . . . but, Michell O. was in the kitchen when your pizza was being prepared . . . . she slapped the hands of the pizza baker☺

    Michelle was on her way to WalMart to buy more cleaning supplies, so couldn’t stay longer, otherwise she would have changed the menus . . . with a twitch of her nose, a call to some Federal Regulatory agency, and removal of all references to meat products.

  • Gary Gapen

    You must prefer your candidates to be bald faceed liars……

  • Dave

    Now when will the American Beard Institute withdraw their endorsement of Michele Bachmann?

  • Anonymous

    Total BS to drop him for ALLEGATIONS….no proof, just ALLEGATIONS.  As a Mustached man, I am disappointed in your caving to allegations with no substantiated facts to one of our mustached brethren.

  • Mr_Dichotomies

    That’s a moustache? I thought it was a crap stain from all the corporate ass he kisses…