First it was John Axford, a Canadian winning the Mustached American of the Year Award.

Now, comes the news that Canada, our fine neighbor to the North, I believe, has introduced a $100 bill featuring Sir Roger Borden, the Canadian emperor who’s sporting a mustache on the bill. That’s right, their currency has a Mustached Canadian on it. See below:

It’s $100 Canadian which I believe is the equivalent of 18 cents, last I checked. And it’s made out of plastic, so it’s especially good as a coaster under a Molson, and probably isn’t considered real money by most normal people.

But, you have to ask, where’s the American currency with a Mustached American on it? Well, it turns out there is one, but only drug dealers have seen it. It’s the thousand dollar bill featuring Grover Cleveland, the great baseball player. The closest other ones we have are the fiver which features hipster Abraham Lincoln and his crazy neckbeard and that Christopher Reeves Superman curl in his hair, and the fifty which features U.S. Grant for whom the United States was named. His beard frightens convenience store clerks everywhere.

We haven’t had a new bill since Woodrow Wilson appeared on the $100,000 bill. He’s been dead since 1924 which means it’s about damn time we honor the great Burt Reynolds on the new $19.99 Facebook bill.

Who’s with me on this?