The 2011 campaign has represented a banner year for the American Mustache Institute and the overall Mustached American community in terms of growth, prosperity, feline murder, and the further enhancement of rugged good looks.
We witnessed yet another increase in the total number of Americans who have adopted a sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle — up four percent. We also saw a decrease in both cat ownership and record unit sales by Dave Navarro, the further vilification of vegans — who are evil — as well as a lessening of interest in MTV Network’s “Jersey Shore,” which is good for all Americans.
In a year filled with too many highlights to count, the most memorable triumphs of 2011 included:
- More than 46 percent of Americans lived a sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle in 2011 — whether it be beards, goatees, or stand alone mustaches. This represented a four percent increase over 2010.
- Perception of mustaches and Mustached Americans are at an all-time high post 1979, with AMI polls indicating that 88 percent of males aged 16-44 would consider growing a mustache, and 91 percent of women would consider sending a Mustached American an inappropriate text or “sext” message.
- AMI’s Occupy The Upper Lip march was cited in Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” report on “The Protestor,” and AMI opened new bureaus in Arizona, Denver, and Yamagata, Japan.
- We issued our landmark first “America’s Most Mustache Friendly City” report, which as a result saw us move the annual ‘Stache Bash charitable benefit from St. Louis to Chicago as the Windy City was determined to be America’s most mustache friendly city.
- We both elevated to front-runner status in an appearance on CNN, and then brought to a crashing halt, the presidential candidacy of Herman Cain, who would have been the first major party Mustached American candidate for President of the United States since Thomas E. Dewey in 1948.
- By popular vote, Milwaukee Brewers pitcher John Axford was named the “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year.”
- Several epic installments of AMI’s Peabody Award-winning Mustache Interview series aired, including ones with Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers and Cleveland from FOX Television’s “The Family Guy” and “The Cleveland Show.”
- And, the Congressional Budget Office has revealed that the Defense of Marriage Act includes a loophole allowing two consenting Mustached Americans to marry, if they are married by Burt Reynolds.
Indeed, 2011 has been a fruitful one for people of Mustached American heritage, and 2012 shows tremendous promise.
We hope to deliver to the Mustached American people a Million Mustache March in the Spring, another epic ‘Stache Bash in the Fall, and a possible reunion show of the living members of “What’s Happening, if the Doobie Brothers will participate.
In closing, I ask that you continue to maintain a healthy and sincere thankfulness towards the entire Mustached American community. Without them, we would have no purpose, no meaning and no sexually virile group of people to lead.