Wrath of Khan Will Be Felt in Jacksonville

On December 5, 2011, by AMI Staff

Since the recent report surfaced that bare-lipped Jacksonville Jaguars owner Wayne Weaver had agreed to sell his team to Illinois businessman Shahid Khan, there has been much discussion of Mr. Khan’s luxurious lower nose foliage and the impact his new ownership reign may have in righting the ship in Jacksonville.

*Update: This discussion has been aggregated on KhanYouDigIt.com, where you can also show your support for Khan’s plump lip mane by purchasing a t-shirt.

The Wrath of Khan is coming to Jacksonville

And while much of the conjecture has been good-natured in spirit, it’s important to understand the complexity and importance of Mr. Khan’s pending ownership in terms of what it represents, as well as the expectations from his broad base of supporters in the Mustached American community.

The National Football League is, without question, an old white boys club. One must only look across the landscape at the likes of the Rooneys in Pittsburgh, Dallas’ Jerry Jones, Cincinnati’s Mike Brown, the Maras in New York, Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder, New Orleans owner Tom Benson, Buffalo’s Ralph Wilson and the list goes on.

A naturalized U.S. citizen who immigrated from Pakistan in 1967, Mr. Khan would become the first person of Pakistani descent to helm an NFL franchise. But just as important, his Mustached American heritage would further a new pattern of the traditional NFL owner’s mold with the fearsome power of a Burt Reynolds right cross.

You see, as the new Jaguars owner, Khan becomes just the third Mustached American owner in the NFL, along with Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf and Rams owner Stan Kroenke.

And what’s been lost on many is what this uniquely brave distinction means to the downtrodden Mustached American community which has suffered at the hands of the clean-shaven aristocracy since the pre-World War I presidency of William Howard Taft.

It harkens back to a time when Mustached Americans were commonly in positions of leadership running large corporations, when eating a Chinese panda steak was thought to be good and pure, when Colt 45 was not only a commonly carried firearm but part of a balanced breakfast, and when bare knuckled Mustached American brawlers walked the streets shirtless during the winter months without remorse or fear of frostbite.

Indeed, the Wrath of Khan offers a unique window into both the past, as well as the future, as Jacksonville Jaguar fans will soon learn.

So on behalf of the Mustached American community, the American Mustache Institute thanks Wayne Weaver for his progressive willingness to usher in a new era. Having yet another Mustached American in the NFL’s owner suite represents a beacon of shining light for our people and we relish the notion of Mr. Khan standing tall as a leader amongst our people and other NFL owners.

A Mustached American is not simply suited for nail technicianry, horseshoe fitting, or bicycle seat refurbishing. We can lead, we can serve, and each day we are proving that we can own and effectively operate an NFL franchise with iron-fisted efficiency, strength, and rugged good looks.

Carry on.

 

  • Anonymous

    Love the ‘stache will be bash the ‘stache if the team can’t WiN games.