As home of the world’s largest mustache — the Gateway Arch — as well as a hearty blue collar community filled with people of Mustached American heritage, the City of St. Louis should seemingly be Mustache Town.

But it is not, as St. Louis finished a mere 40th in the American Mustache Institute’s first “America’s Most Mustache Friendly City” analysis.

Power couple Kroenke and Fisher

But the Mustached American Jeff Fisher’s arrival as the new head coach of the St. Louis Rams may provide a jumping off point for better times.

Fisher joins team owner and fellow Mustached American Stan Kroenke to create a formidable power couple of immense lower nose foliage not seen since Hulk Hogan and Sgt. Slaughter shared a meal at an upstate New York Burger Chef in 1987.

“I think it sets a unique precedent,” said Dr. Dan Callahan, the American Mustache Institute’s director of research. “It’s rare enough to see one person of Mustached American descent leading a well know organization unrelated to the Arkansas penal system. But to have both a Mustached American owner and chief executive takes things to a new level, whether we are looking at professional football or business as a whole.”

Rare indeed, and the impact sets the table for a few key questions:

  1. In past posts we have outlined the performance enhancing abilities of the nasal forestry unit in sports. So it is not presumptuous to assume the new Mustached American leadership of the Rams will restore the franchise to its rightful place as an annual playoff contender. But we still must ask the question: Will the on field product be stronger?
  2. As a mustache improves good looks by 38 percent, has the “ugly quotient” at Rams Park just dramatically dropped?
  3. And, will St. Louis once again become Mustache Town?

Three important questions, the answers of which history would lead us to believe should be answered in the affirmative.

So it would seem this power couple will indeed reinvigorate not only football in the shadow of the world’s largest mustache, but bring St. Louis back to its right place as a Mustache Town.

Carry on.