Trump Must Clarify Mustache Position

On January 19, 2017, by AMI Staff

Last month the American Mustache Institute expressed displeasure at President-elect Donald Trump’s discriminatory search for cabinet officials in which he eliminated John Bolton from consideration due to his Mustached American heritage.

AMI’s quarrel with Trump’s actions, of course, are in no way political as a non-partisan institution of learning, thought and facial hair militancy. It is solely on the equity with which human capital and potential is valued for all Americans, including Mustached Americans.

More recently, however, Trump welcomed Mustached American brother Steve Harvey to Trump Tower for a conversation, reportedly to discuss issues related to urban housing.

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“I walked away feeling like I had just talked with a man who genuinely wants to make a difference in this area,” Harvey said of the meeting. “I feel that something really great could come out of this.”

Harvey added that he would, “sit with him anytime.”

The question is: Would Trump sit with Harvey, or for that matter, other people of facial hair, anytime?

“We are deeply concerned about Mr. Trump’s willingness to work across the aisle with the Mustached American community and afford us the same rights and privileges he does for the clean-shaven mortal community,” said Dr. Irving Slidlanger-Valdez, ESQ., American Mustache Institute director of legal affairs, aeronautics and sand sculpting. “He talks inclusion but what we continue to see is discriminatory behavior. The Harvey meeting is a good first step towards extending an olive branch.”

Throughout much of his presidential campaign and beyond, Trump has preyed on a broad array of fears in vilifying Mexicans, poking fun at the handicapped, misogynistically castigating women and his facial hair discrimination against Bolton. And while his communing with Harvey certainly offers a ray of hope, confusion remains.

“It’s pretty plain and simple,” added Dr. Slidlanger-Valdez. “Trump must clarify his mustache position.”

You’re welcome.