meddac

The competitors included; Captain David T. Attanasio, Captain Wesley B. Albritton, Staff Sergeant Joseph P. Malizia, Lieutenant Colonel Jason D. Ling, Captain Felipe Rodriguez, Lieutenant Colonel John V. Smith, Captain Terry L. Mercier, Jr., Sergeant David E. Nichols, and Mr. Charles J. Douglas, Jr.

Fort Irwin National Training Center is a primary U.S. Military training facility located in the Mojave Desert in northern San Bernardino County, California. And last month, physical attractiveness at Fort Irwin improved 37 percent as eight brave service members and one civilian threw off the shackles of the bald-faced majority’s clean-shaven agenda and embraced a Mustached American lifestyle throughout March 2017 in the the training center’s inaugural MEDDAC March Mustachedness.

With each passing day, the Fort Irwin ugly quotient grew smaller as the participating top-shelf mammals took a ruggedly handsome step towards making their community not only safer and healthier, but noticeably better looking.

It was more than a competition, and by merely taking part in this illustrious event, the participants demonstrated a worthiness of each accolade provided, their peers’ unwavering respect and gratitude, and unlimited margaritas in the cafeteria every third Friday of the month, in perpetuity.

The American Mustache Institute was asked to serve as an oversight entity and judge, eight of the nine competitors were required to adhere to applicable Army Regulation for mustaches, and in the end, Lt. Col. John V. Smith was victorious.

The full text of the proclamation presented to Lt. Col. Smith reads:

WHEREAS,  Eight brave service members and one civilian threw off the shackles of the bald-faced majority’s clean-shaven agenda and embraced a sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle for the month of March 2017.

WHEREAS, With each passing day, these top-shelf mammals took a ruggedly handsome step towards making their community not only safer and healthier, but noticeably better looking.

WHEREAS, MEDDAC March Mustachedness is, at the end of the day, a competition, BUT it should be noted that there is no such thing as a bad mustache, merely bad people who do not own or operate a mouthbrow.

 WHEREAS, By merely taking part in this illustrious event, these nine men have shown themselves to be worthy of every accolade provided, their peers’ unwavering respect and gratitude, and unlimited margaritas in the cafeteria every third Friday of the month, in perpetuity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Chief Executive of the American Mustache Instutite Dr. Adam Paul Causgrove, declare that through a rigorous review process, steeped in the science of nuclear mustachology and augmented with fine American bourbon, that the honorable Lieutenant Colonel  John V. Smith and his indomitable Chevron style mustache shall receive top honors for this year’s March Mustachedness Celebration. He is to be saluted, ogled, venerated, and praised – in that particular order.

 

doperak

Colonel Martin Doperak presented the AMI Proclamation on 13 April declaring Lieutenant Colonel John V. Smith as the winner of the event. LTC Smith was not the only Mustache American awarded however. CanYouHandlebar Moustache and Beard Co. sent the contestants mustache wax and beard oil to ensure their mustaches stand strong against the rigorous desert elements of Fort Irwin.