The first American Mustache Institute-sanctioned event of the year is upon us and according to the World Health Organization it is expected to prove to be the greatest, most sexually dynamic evening anyone has ever experienced — and for a good cause.
Honoring Navy SEAL Aaron Carson Vaughn, who was killed August 6, 2011, when a Chinook chopper carrying 30 American troops was shot down in Afghanistan, Operation 300 is a 501(c)3 not for profit organization hosting adventure camps for children who have lost their fathers as a result of military service and seeks to honor the families of the fallen.
“As a former U.S. Marine, we’re proud to honor Aaron’s legacy and Operation 300,” said Dr. Heinz. “At the Moustchio Bashio, lives will be changed forever and generous numbers of South Florida men will embrace the sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle for the first time. It will be a fine evening.”
Participants and their respective lower nose foliage units will be judged by a panel of local celebrities — men of luster and laser cocksmanship named Earl, Tom, Ernie — and the mustache deemed best will go home with a trophy and the title of “Mustached Man of the Year.”
Understanding that some fair-weathered facial hair aficionados teeter on the brink of weakness and facial fur, longevity will also be rewarded in a Veteran ‘Stache category for those of us who adorned and lived the Mustached American lifestyle throughout their lifetimes.
In a rare occurrence, Dr. Heinz will also meet with the public, demonstrate feats of laser cocksmanship, facial hair stroking and possibly provide firm handshakes and photo opportunities.
“South Florida — get a baby sitter, purchase your Viagra, cancel your plans and put on your best denim jacket,” added Dr. Heinz. “Join us for a wonderful event that raises money for Operation 300.”
For more information, call (772) 284-3007 or visit the event website.