AMI Disclaimer Wearing a mustache is not for the faint at heart
- The American Mustache Institute supports healthy, performance enhancing-free mustaches that contain no pesticides.
- Mustaches should be worn at the individual’s own risk, and AMI is not responsible for mustaches that make men look like child molesters or Dave Navarro.
Living a Mustached American lifestyle is a serious undertaking and should not be taken lightly
- Wearing a “Dictator” (or “Toothbrush”) style mustache may lead to repeated beatings. Mustaches should not be worn by women who hope to find employment outside of waste collection or who are looking for male companionship.
- If your mustache causes you to have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor, spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro.
- In extremely rare cases, mustaches may cause significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large. Unibrows, commonly referred to as “forehead mustaches,” are not recognized by AMI.
- The vast majority of mustache wearers have highly positive responses from friends, exotic dancers and grade school teachers.
- AMI strongly encourages consulting a physician before exploring your personal mustache capabilities, as premature mustache growth may lead to feelings of despair and depression.
- AMI cautions against trusting clean-shaven officers of the law. If a mustache-free constable attempts to stop your vehicle, dial 911 and proceed to the nearest police station, where a squadron of heavily mustached officers will greet you with open arms.
- Please consider the environment before shaving your mustache.