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AMI end-of-year executive memo to staff

The American Mustache Institute

Executive Director’s end-of-year memo

 

Fellow AMI employees:

 

Thanks to all of you for a pathetic strong 2007. I look forward to an even weaker stronger 2008 and the possibility that we will be able to offer you generous raises a snack machine in the break room. We shall keep our collective fingers crossed.

 

I believe we have made much progress toward our goal of world domination making life better for all our mustached brothers and sisters across the world, and you have done little been an important part of that effort. I really believe I hate most of you with the exception of that really cute receptionist Midge.  Thank you.

 

Because I'm creatively whipped and have nothing left in the tank In the spirit of commencing a tremendous 2007 campaign, I offer the following Top 10 American Mustache Institute Resolutions for 2008.

 

Peace be with you and your mustache.

 

10. Make the American Mustache Institute's 'Stache Bash 2008 - the Original 'Stache Bash - better than 2007 (which might be impossible).
9. File suit against the New York Yankees regarding the team’s no mustache policy.
8. Entice Katie Couric and Hillary Clinton to engage in a mustache growing contest.

7. Start war with the knuckleheads at the Beard Congress.

6. Release our long-awaited white paper on mustache discrimination.

5. Re-examine our failed plan to encourage Major League Baseball owners to offer players $125.00 to grow mustaches. Will they need to offer more money to make this a success? Who knows.

4. Give in to my wife's request to use conditioner on my mustache.

3. Find a suitable home for the Mr. T statue that has been sitting idly in the AMI warehouse as some of our Supply Chain employees have been using it to hang workout clothes on.

2. Lose weight through a diet heavy in Red Bull Light, protein, and snow peas.

1. Start grass roots effort to get George Clooney to grow and keep a mustache and get rid of the skin-tight turtleneck and medallion.

Published Dec 31 2007, 03:38 PM by afroman
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About afroman

The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Abraham Froman is much more. Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing. On October 25, 2008, he will ascend to the role of Chief Executive Officer. “I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.” Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch. Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita. As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita." Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.
© 2007 American Mustache Institute
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