St. Louis - The American Mustache Institute (NYSE: AMI) has announced the suspension of its executive director, Aaron Perlut, for violations of a conduct clause in his contract. Perlut, who also may face charges for an unrelated incident which occurred this past Friday, has been relieved of all duties pending a full review of recent incidents. 

"We can only say that the board is studying his suitability as executive director going forward," according to AMI board member and Chairman Emeritus Jay Della Valle. "We are all deeply disappointed in his behavior and will re-evaluate his role with the group." 

Perlut was detained by authorities in Columbia, Missouri, about 90 minutes from AMI’s headquarters in St. Louis, early Friday morning in what has been described as "a hair cut gone horribly wrong." Columbia police said Perlut and a female barber were found in a hotel room covered in facial hair trimmings. Perlut, who was found wearing a mu-mu and clean shaven, told police he was the Sultan of Brunei.

"There are a lot of discrepancies about his story," added Della Valle. "We are investigating whether he actually ever had a mustache to begin with, and whether he is, in fact, the Sultan of Brunei."  

Early Tuesday, March 11, the AMI board of directors – comprised of Della Valle, former child actor Gary Coleman, actress Jenna Jameson, former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and actor Sam Elliott – said no immediate action would be taken against Perlut. But in an official statement released later in the day, the board said it must “place Mr. Perlut on administrative leave, while continuing to weigh his actions, and consider his ability to lead the organization.”   

"Mr. Perlut's actions clearly indicate a certain level of instability," the board's statement continued. "Over the coming weeks we will hold a number of discussions with the executive director and staff to determine if his continued ability to lead, as well as whether he has ever worn a real mustache to begin with." 

In a tear-filled, hastily arranged press conference early Wednesday, March 12, a disheveled Perlut said he did not remember the events that led up to his arrest, but suggested he was forcibly shaved by a female barber working on behalf of AMI’s sworn enemies, the Beard Congress.   

"I think you all know why I’m here today,” a tearful Perlut told a crowded room of city officials, dwarfs, Dave Navarro haters, and mustache enthusiasts. “Let me start by saying I am not the Sultan of Brunei (pictured at left). But I come to you today full of regret, and with a cold upper lip. I made a terrible error in judgment last Friday by putting myself in a bad situation. In the process, my mustache was shaved -- possibly by members of the Beard Congress, who apparently could care less that every time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to Earth. 

"As I step back from my duties,” Perlut said, pausing as he choked up. “I just hope the Packers .. I mean … the American Mustache Institute … I hope they feel like they didn’t waste a penny on me. I realize that I now face an increased health risk from Cold Upper Lip Disease (CULD) and that my credibility as a lip fur crusader has been irreparably damaged. But life goes on, my mustache will grow back, and the American Mustache Institute will continue to stand for truth, justice, tremendous good looks, and a hatred of Dave Navarro." 

According to a timeline laid out by Perlut at the news conference, on Thursday, March 6, he claims to have badly hurt his back in an unusual accident involving three dwarfs, a Ralph Nader impersonator, a VHS copy of the film “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo,” a bathtub full of Crisco, and three packages of Double-Stuffed Oreo Cookies.  The back injury was severe enough that he was forced to cancel a planned trip to Chicago to attend the annual Robert Goulet party.

But after canceling his trip, which he had planned for months, Perlut's account of his actions becomes murky.  The next morning, Friday, March 7, Perlut says he found himself in the Columbia hotel room with the female barber, a charge for more than $5,000 on his Diner’s Club card, his mustache shaved, and the remains of a 48-pack of Hostess Twinkies snacks on the floor. Perlut said his remorse was immediate.  

"Peter Griffin said 'with great mustache, comes great responsibility,'" he said. "I clearly lost sight of that. But I will learn from this, I will re-grow my mustache to greater lengths and density than ever before, and continue to loathe Dave Navarro moving forward."