Today was a sad day for mustached Americans and
dwarfs alike. Despite our obvious disappointment in the results of the voting
for the final position on the American League All-Star team in next week’s
Major League All-Star game, the American Mustache Institute (AMI) respects the
final decision, as incomprehensibly wrong as voters have revealed themselves to
be.
After considering a federal injunction against Major League Baseball, AMI held preliminary
discussions with former President Jimmy Carter to discuss a role for him in analyzing
the reported vast amounts of voting irregularities. Members of the mustache nation
have cited voting by deceased citizens in Chicago,
long lines at polling places in Ohio,
and Floridians who said votes intended for Giambi went to political commentator
Pat Buchanan. But we pledge to not call for a recount.
Instead, we ask AL All-Star manager Terry Francona and the Reverend Al Sharpton - who should finally do something worthwhile - to put any partisan feelings
aside and name Jason to the team. It would be tribute to the hard-working
mustached Americans who make up our law enforcement, adult entertainment -- roughly 72 percent of the greater Boston-area community -- and
the shiftless youth who attend more baseball games than any other group of
Americans.
Carry on.
About afroman
The name “Abe Froman” is most commonly recognized as the ubiquitous and unseen character who’s identity is briefly assumed by actor Matthew Broderick in the film “Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.” However, Abraham Froman is much more.
Dr. Froman, a Capricorn, began his career with AMI as an intern, and after receiving his certification in nuclear mustacheology in 2006, transitioned his role into the organization’s Director of Logistical Intelligence, focusing on research, government relations, intelligence gathering, grass roots advocacy, and song writing.
On October 25, 2008, he will ascend to the role of Chief Executive Officer.
“I am honored to assume the chair held by Drs. Snor and Perlut previously,” Froman said. “The Mustached American people need leadership, and I pledge that AMI, under my stewardship, will continue to provide it at a time when it is so desperately needed.”
Dr. Froman has said that his future goals for AMI are to create satellite campus’s overseas and to develop an annual event, to be known as "The Million Mustache March," each year in St. Louis, concluding under the world’s largest mustache – St. Louis’ Gateway Arch.
Froman formerly lived in the Chicago area where he ran a museum dedicated to the "Karate Kid" series of films starring the indefatigable Pat Morita.
As Abe likes to say, "One can never tire of Pat Morita."
Dr. Froman is also a periodic contributor to joesportsfan.com.