‘Stache Bash

Join the American Mustache Institute and Movember, the charity event that gets men to grow moustaches to change the face of men’s health, to mark the end of the mustache-growing campaign for ‘STACHE BASH 2010 in the shadow of the world’s largest mustache — the Gateway Arch — at Mike Shannon’s in St. Louis from 8pm until midnight.

WHAT IS ‘STACHE BASH? – This year marking the end of Movember, it’s a ridiculous celebration of mustaches and music benefiting The Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG, where you’ll see the winner of the “Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year” crowned. Is it some serious facial hair contest for shut-ins? No. It’s a big, goofy party for a great cause, as this video from 2009 demonstrates.

WHEN & WHERE IS IT? – Saturday, December 4, at 8pm at Mike Shannon’s in St. Louis from 8pm until midnight.

DO I NEED A MUSTACHE? – Everyone gets a free, stick-on lip sweater at the door, as science has proven that both men and women look better with a healthy amount of lower nose foliage.

EVENT TICKETS: Purchase advance tickets HERE through Movember, or, join the American Mustache Institute’s Movember team (JOIN TEAM HERE). Raise $100 and you get a free ticket. Raise $200 and get two free tickets. Keep in mind, these tickets do not include the cost for OPEN BAR from 8-11pm, which is an additional $25. But attendees can also pay-as-they-go for the bar. Entertainment will include Chicago’s the Flavor Savers and St. Louis’ Hazard 2 Ya Booty (who are, in fact, a Hazard to your booty).

ENTERTAINMENT: You’ll be blessed by the smooth and delicious sounds of Chicago’s amazing the Flavor Savers and St. Louis’ Hazard 2 Ya Booty (who are, in fact, a Hazard to your booty). Plus you’ll get to hang with director Morgan Spurlock who’ll be shooting a documentary, some other Hollywood celebs, and a few pro athletes who just might swallow you with their mustaches.

SHOULD I BUY ADVANCE TICKETS? – If you raise $100 for Movember, your ticket is free. Raise $200 and get two free tickets. If you do not wish to grow glorious lower nose foliage, you can purchase a ticket for $15 — either in advance or at the door.

IS THERE A THEME? – Besides good looking mustaches? AMI’s ‘Stache Bash has traditionally been a Halloween event but — even though it won’t be Halloween — we still favor the wild costume craze so come as you wish, bring your costumes. pants are your call, go Village People, the Golden Girls, Magnum P.I., your favorite priest (Judas Priest), Frank Zappa, a mermaid, a merman, 1980s television mainstays Alf or Mr. T, or your ugly self. Just have fun with it.

CAN I GET A BEATING IF I’D LIKE ONE? – The American Mustache Institute and Movember reserve the right to refuse admittance, or have you removed from the event, if you are stupid, ridiculously intoxicated, act like a knucklehead, or voice praise for Dave Navarro.

AND IF THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO ME? – Then you are not so smart, but e-mail us at info@AmericanMustacheInstitute.org, call 877-STACHE-1, or call the Crab Lice Hotline.

DISCLAIMER – AMI supports healthy, performance enhancing-free mustaches that contain no pesticides. Mustaches should be worn at the individual’s own risk, and AMI is not responsible for mustaches that make men look like child molesters or Dave Navarro. Wearing a “Dictator” mustache may lead to repeated beatings. Mustaches should not be worn by women who hope to find employment outside of waste collection or who are looking for male companionship. If your mustache causes you to have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate attention from a doctor, spouse, girlfriend, or Dave Navarro. In extremely rare cases, mustaches may cause significant decreases in sexual activity, friendships, and approval by society at large. Unibrows, commonly referred to as “forehead mustaches,” are not recognized by AMI. AMI does not support chin coverage (i.e. beards, goatees) as they represent the “spousal compromise.” The vast majority of mustache wearers have highly positive responses from friends, exotic dancers and grade school teachers. AMI strongly encourages consulting a physician before exploring your personal mustache capabilities, as premature mustache growth may lead to feelings of despair and depression. AMI cautions against trusting clean-shaven officers of the law. If a mustache-free constable attempts to stop your vehicle, dial 911 and proceed to the nearest police station, where a squadron of heavily mustached officers will greet you with open arms. Please consider the environment before shaving your mustache.